Keeping up with Asians

I had no intention in writing a post today, however listening to Anchal's podcast ‘What Would The Aunties Say?’  inspired me to write a small something. Her first podcast was called ‘You’re Going To Be On The Shelf’ featuring Vex King and Kaushal. It was so amazing and so relatable! They speak about the certain pressures we get, especially in an Asian community, such as education and marriage. I personally agree with everything they said and recommend others to listen to it as I feel it is a common issue which needs to be addressed. 

Before I give my opinion, I want to say that it is not supposed to be offensive to Asian parents or Asian upbringing. It is just something I believe has been a problem within the Asian community for a while, and therefore think it is important people voice their opinion on it so that positive changes can happen. I think Anchal is incredible for doing this podcast because I don’t think people recognise the effects that some of these pressures can have on individuals and therefore it is important we create awareness so that we can prevent these pressures from reoccurring. Coming from an Asian background myself, although it isn't as bad as before, I still do see certain pressures. I know it isn’t intentional and people want the best for us but it is important that they understand everyone has different wants, needs and goals they want to satisfy, and not just focus on the idea of being rich and getting married, to the point that we are not fulfilled. 

From a young age I feel as though we are taught to just get a good education, find a job that pays well, get married and have children, all at certain times in our lives too.  And there is some understanding, as in the past and with older generations, they had it more difficult. So there is reason as to why they are the way they are but it is equally important for them to understand our perspective and that things have changed. Vex says in the podcast, ‘We have been following paths to make us feel accepted and not necessarily happy’. He couldn't have put it in a better way! If we continue to conform to these pressures, we will find ourselves feeling overwhelmed, lost and most importantly, unhappy. There is no right time for anything. Vex also says, ‘Success doesn’t come with a timeline’ and it is so true! If we keep pressuring ourselves to get things done at certain times in our lives, not only are we creating more and more stress but if we don’t achieve them, we start to doubt ourselves and make us feel like there is something wrong with us when in reality there isn’t. We are just letting the opinions and views of others dictate the way we live our life, and if we don't adhere, we label ourselves as failures. If we haven't followed a certain career, haven't settled by a certain age or aren't earning a certain amount, we are judged. But this is wrong.

There should be nothing or no-one to say what job we should have, when we should get married, or who we should marry etc. We are not here to live for others, we are here only for ourselves.  I’m sure a lot of us dream of having an amazing job, beautiful house, a family and more but it’s not to say that none of it will happen if we don’t accomplish things at a certain time. It will happen when it’s supposed to, not when society tells us to. We have the freedom to do whatever it is we want and shouldn’t let the opinion of others get in the way of that. 

Don’t feel as though you have go into a particular career, or focus on finding someone because of others, focus on whatever it is that makes you happy. Even though I’m only 22, people still encourage me to start finding someone and although I do want to eventually settle with someone, I have realised that I am so young and want to achieve so many things, continue to be independent and settle on my own before even thinking about settling with someone else. I have also realised that this is okay. As long as I am doing well for myself and I am happy, that’s all that matters. If some things aren’t happening for me when I want it to, I don’t stress because I know everything will fall into place when it is meant to. After all, everything happens for a reason.

Everyone has their own definition of happiness and success, but don’t let them define yours. Everyone's journey is different so don't make comparisons, only you know what is best for you, just go with the flow and follow your heart. People will always have an opinion regardless of whether you're doing well or not, just don't take it to heart or let it effect you. Continue to please yourself and not others. Just be yourself, do you and whatever makes you happy.

Lots of love,

V x